And finally......

 

Got it all already “I cannot understand you,” said the young man to his unmarried aunt. “You seem so happy and contented. I’ve always thought that unmarried women are lonely and miserable and just longing for the presence of a man about the place.” “Well,” his aunt responded, smiling, “I’ve got a fireplace that smokes, a parrot that swears, a cat that stays out half the night with no explanation, and a dog that leaves muddy footprints all over the house. What more do I want?” You asked for it The student, when asked by the teacher to write an essay on ‘The Effects of Laziness’, turned in a blank sheet of paper. Telly trouble A woman summoned a TV repairman to fix her set. After spreading his tools out, the serviceman inquired: ‘What seems to be the trouble?” Replied the woman: “Well, for one thing the programmes are appalling.” SOME OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE…. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. Torch: A case for holding dead batteries. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. If you lend someone 20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. Birds of a feather flock together and mess on your car.